I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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