I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
