I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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