Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
