i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
