found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
