Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
