Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
