I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
