He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
