she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
