last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
