Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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