I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
