Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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