i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
