He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
