I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
