i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
