when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was born a porn star she said
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
