We won't sleep together?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
