Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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