Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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