You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dear god my vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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