We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
