I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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