Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
