Your mouth is God's brothel.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
