the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
