Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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