somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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