I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
