i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
