I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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