Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
