How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
