your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
