Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
