We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
