We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
