I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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