Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
