I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
