so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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