if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
