I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
