Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
