I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
