We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
