I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
