Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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