and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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