You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
